It's the fourth of January, 0836 hours, Swedish morning with grey rain and dead grass and leafs everywhere. It's dark, black, wet, cold, and stinking depressing. I always get depressed and have my hardest time of the year through january and february. It doesn't help that my dog got bitten to death one week before valentine either, but shit me. I saw the dog who did it yesterday. It was dark and it had a rainblanket on so I didn't see it was that damn dalmatian until I was up close, and those arrogant and coldhearted owners.
I am NOT okay today, but that isn't the reason. I feel like I am open to manipulation and like a ghost would be able to take over my body like it was slipping into a too large nightgown.
*Sigh*
I've been balancing on scale of tears and fear all day and I still haven't gone to bed so the morning is really the night for me. But shit me... right?
My boyfriend played the new Zelda-game on his 3DS beside me in the bed for some time and it helped. He does everything he can do make me smile, and listening to a cute japanese game is like a mommys cradling arms to me. I love video games... love... them... LOVE!!
But as I even hate the word "anxiety", I try to belittle it and make fun of it. The word makes me think about emopussys who scream out their pain for attention. But it also makes me think about Kafka and Alan Edgar Poe... I remember the episode of the Hercules-series which he's in love with a gothgirl and puts up papers with the word Angst written on them. Hehehehe... the young Hercules is such a dork.
*Sigh*
I shall try to go to sleep now... here's some eyecandy.
No comments:
Post a Comment